edge

I don't know whether pride or ego is taking over me or it just has been the way I am, but why am I always so defensive of myself when someone is criticising me? Is it because I feel that their criticism is not constructive? Is it because I feel that the moment they criticise me, they are going to jump down my throat? Or is it I'm sick of people criticising me?

It's funny how I always hurt the people close to me... not intentionally, but somehow, communication breaks down. When they are the closest thing and only thing I've got & love me, I shield myself away... Why do I do that? Is it the fear of rejection? Fear of disappointment? Fear of breaking the bond? I've thought it over and over again why I get so defensive sometimes... I guess my biggest fear is not straining the relationship further. I don't want to add another crack to the bond.

God, please give me the strength and courage to withstand and absorb and listen and grow from the criticisms received. Pls guide me to becoming a better person without the high barracks I've set around myself. It is critical that I take each and every day as a blessing, for the wonderful family I have and not take for granted that it will be like that the next day. Amen.